You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
