Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
