My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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