these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
even my farts smell like vagina
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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