I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
