Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
