i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
