I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
