It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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