The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
