I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
