I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
