Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
