Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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