Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
