I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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