We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
