Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
