so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
