I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
