when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize