I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
