i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
