wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
