my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
