I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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