She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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