I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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