If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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