i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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