obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize