Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
