Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
