Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
