i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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