You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
