My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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