I have demons in me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
