stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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