What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
