I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
