He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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