Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
