Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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