If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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