Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
