My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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