Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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