Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
