there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
