Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
