i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
