Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
