Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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