I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
