she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
