I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
