tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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