Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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