No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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