onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I did not marry a roomba.
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