so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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