i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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