Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
