please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
