Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
