and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
