I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I looked at my own cervix.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize