I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
