Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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