I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
