I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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