Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
