So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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