dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
