am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
